Is My Career Identity My Personality?

Losing my job was the best thing that happened to me. It was a turning point that coincided with my 40th birthday. It felt like a new chapter was beginning.

But part of me inside felt lost, as if a void opened in me, a vacuum begging to be occupied. It felt like I suddenly lost my identity as a patent attorney. Am I still an attorney even if I’m not working as one?

I sometimes feel that way even now, almost two months after becoming unemployed (self-employed in business and options trading).

Steve Jobs said: Don’t be a career.

My sister said:

You passed the bar = you’re a lawyer. I think that’s the only qualification you need

Like a doctor is a doctor cuz he has the MD

Makes sense. As long as I pay my yearly dues to the State Bar, I suppose.

The title of this article my phone appropriately suggested spoke to me:

“I spent thirty-five years building a career that impressed everyone at dinner parties, and when I retired at 62 the silence taught me that impressing people had been my entire personality”

What a title. It’s like a Japanese light novel. I love it.

The article talks about the man described above, who says:

Research suggests that people whose identity is closely tied to their professional role often face greater difficulty adjusting to retirement. I read that and felt it land in my chest like a stone. That was me. I hadn’t retired from a job. I’d retired from the only version of myself I knew how to be.

Studies suggest that people who struggle most with retirement are often those who never developed an inner life independent of their professional identity. I was that person. I had hobbies, sure. I had a family. But my inner life was a green room. Everything in it existed to prepare for the next entrance.

Was this going to be me at the age of 40?

It doesn’t feel that way yet. I have a lot of things to do.

Actually, in-house job listings no longer seem interesting to me. They all require my loyalty to a company. I’m not sure I could be a good employee anymore unless I lose my other interests.

I feel fortunate that I’ve developed my own interests outside of work this whole time. That’s what I get for diversifying my life instead of following The Plan (or just being overly cautious and neurotic).