I had a dinner conversation with a partner who wanted to recruit me into his law firm (whose interview process I discontinued after deciding to go with the in-house position).
We joked about our “immigrant mentality” of looking for that internal satisfaction and external approval.
- When your arguments get a rejection overturned.
- When you finish a patent application and admire the figures you drafted.
- When your supervisor says, “This application looks really good. Please send”
It’s also never “enough” for people like us.
We like to grow things and protect the people around us. In his case, his practice and family. He is a networking powerhouse. In my case, my side business and developing options trading abilities.
“I was funnier 10 years ago,” I quipped. That resonated with him.
It turned out that we both want to feel “normal” again, without due dates, emails, and others’ livelihoods hanging over our heads constantly. But working at a law firm inevitably turns you “abnormal.”
We used to have hobbies like gaming. But he hasn’t played in a long time. He’s way too busy. I haven’t touched my Nintendo Switch in at least a year.
Today, on my first day of funemployment, I walked around town to do errands, look at stores, and pick up a smoothie. I actually sat down and installed a game on my PC. I haven’t felt this free in a long time.
But what do I actually enjoy beyond that? Is it that we put our interests aside for the sake of our career, or do we work hard because we forgot who we used to be?
He said that there are people who are less successful than us who are perfectly happy. I know that. But why is it so hard to let go of our ambitions?
Perhaps it’s impossible to escape the grip of ambition in an innocent state. His parents’ divorce and the passing of his father. My refusal to rely on or owe anything to my parents.
I’m learning to let go of “have to.” I’m learning to be deliberate about doing what makes me happy.
Is it OK for me to seek happiness?
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